Boundary or Wall?

 Sometimes people get so tired of being hurt, taken advantage of, abused, misused, mistreated, you name it, that they are forced to do something different.  However, that something different is just the other side of the same leaf.  In other words, it is finding a new way to do the same thing. If you are tired of being a door mat, walked all over, feeling resentment and false guilt, then perhaps evaluating your boundaries might be a good start.  Being sick of people and avoiding them at all cost is not the answer.  That is really only self imprisonment. Is it a boundary you have set or a wall you have built?  Do you feel protected or imprisoned? Boundaries are flexible, they keep the good in and the bad out.  Walls are not easy to move.  Sure they keep the bad out.  But you want to know what?  Walls keep you in your own private prison with your fears, hurts, and painful memories.  Sure you do not have to trust anyone, but the wounds never heal. Maybe you are not imprisoned, but you simply do not have healthy boundaries. Can you imagine building a fence around your garden to protect it from furry little creatures only to realize it is as though you put out a welcome mat for Thumper and all of his friends?  That would be a pretty weak boundary.  Intentions were good, but the boundary was full of holes.  A weak boundary puts your garden in danger; a weak boundary puts you in danger.  A healthy boundary allows you to enjoy your garden and maybe even enjoy the bunnies.  What I am saying is that healthy boundaries allows you set a limits.  You can set clear limits as to what is and is not you and what you are and are not willing to tolerate.  Furthermore, clear limits allow you to distinguish between what is and is not your responsibility as well as what you do and do not have control over.  Like the bunnies, you cannot control who and what may try to disrespect your limits, but you can control being a welcome mat for others.  In addition, some people are best enjoyed from a distance... (I like bunnies, but I do not want to plant gardens for them). Boundaries are relational, physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual.  Boundaries help you to determine when to say yes or no.  Boundaries are an expression of your self; they are an expression of how you honor yourself. Are you setting boundaries or building walls?


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